9 Weeks and Counting...

And all I can think is "Yikes!"

Are we ready? More personally, am I ready? 9 weeks sounds so short and we've still got lots of work to do. Physically, emotionally, practically... I'm actually not too worried about the practical stuff. The room will be ready when it's ready and I'm figuring we'll eventually get everything we need. It's more the other stuff.

Like labor. Direct quote from one of my 8th graders a couple of weeks ago: "Hey Mrs. D! Are you freaking out over the fact that soon you're gonna be in the most pain you've ever experienced in your life? 'Cause I sure would be." And another from last week: "Mrs. D, did you know that my brother was so big that he actually broke my mom's tailbone coming out?" Awesome guys, thanks. Actually, I'm not too worried about the pain part. It's never been something I've shied away from. I'm actually more a fearer of the unknown. Going through something that I've never been through before. Anxiety, who I've kept locked away, now somehow works his way up the basement stairs and at times pushes past Excitement, whose been saturating the house for the last few months.

And I believe a lot of that comes from the fact that once that labor is over, he'll be here. Actually here. A whole new little person, breathing, moving ~ completely alive and counting whole-heartedly on me to care for him, protect him, teach him, love him. When I sit alone or at night thinking about it I get so excited about it. I can love him. I can teach him and I think I can do it well...And then the doctor's appointments and worry and surgeries all come crashing back into my head. And this is when I recognize the anxiety. Since we've learned about it and after the initial shock, I've honestly been fine. Happy, at peace, excited. But as the countdown has continued, I've become a bit more anxious, worried, all those things I initially felt. Part of me wishes he was here already, so we could see what we're dealing with and get moving, and the other part is thinking that 9 weeks is just waaaaay to soon. Questions and concerns all seem to swirl around me and it takes effort to push them aside and keep a countenance sustained by happiness.

Eventually, though, Anxiety retreats back down and Excitement takes back over; I get giddy with anticipation of meeting him. Of taking care of him, of doing all those things that come with a newborn (having time for just me and him in the quiet of the night, learning a language that will soon be understood by just me and Walmir, marveling over the miracle of his tiny fingers and toes). It is in those moments that I can't wait for the 9 weeks to be up. But regardless of the thoughts, 9 weeks is 9 weeks, and it will be here before we know it....

Some other random notes...

~I'm reverting back to the first trimester of pregnancy. I now get nauseous again and my face is starting to break out, again. Good thing I took pictures a couple of weeks ago.

~I'm still running, though my speed is relative to the size of my belly; bigger = slower. Speaking of running, I totally swallowed a bug Saturday morning while I was out. Before my brain even had time to register, the deed was already done. And I couldn't help thinking that if Bear Grylls was running alongside me, he would have complimented that fact that I had just added some significant protein to my diet. :0) Anyway, I am slower, but I'm pretty dang proud of myself for still heading out and pounding the pavement like a sweaty hippo 3 times a week.

~I totally sweat when I teach now and I'm constantly worried when I stand up or pass out papers or lift my arm to write something on the board, that there will be some visual mark left and I'll be branded like that same hippo stuck in the Sahara.

~Speaking of teaching, I told my boss that I won't be returning to Oak Hall next year so that I can care for out little guy (It would just be impossible with the weekly appointments, surgeries and special feeding that's required) . And that was so hard. I love my job, I love my students, I love my colleagues and giving that up is something that's been weighing heavy on me.

~Can't really think of much else...It's more difficult to bend over and sit up. I can't sleep and I have to pee every second, I don't look at myself in the full-length mirror anymore, but otherwise, I'm rather enjoying my pregnancy. :0) It is quickly coming to an end and whether that 9 weeks comes too quickly or too slowly, the bottom line is that the stork is right around the corner and before I've realized it and even though mine will be bumpier than normal, I'll have made that leap into the most beautiful profession of all ~ motherhood.