The Novel Mom's New Groove

So...I'd be completely lying if I said making the leap into motherhood was a smooth process. Not that I expected it to be, but then again, I may have been a bit naive in thinking I'd still be able to control my life. So naive because I now don't control my life; it's now manned by the smallest (and I might add cutest) lil' dictator. I am instructed continuously (without words even) and I leap to his service at all hours of the day and night. How interesting that a grown, independent woman is totally controlled by a miniature little guy whose most important events in the day include sleeping, pooing, eating and cuddling - no more and no less. :0)

Reflecting back on this past month ( I can't believe it's been a month already!) I've found that, at least for me, there are 4 stages that the novel mom runs through with the birth of her new bundle of joy.

Stage 1: "The High" - usually lasts about a week after birth.

This was my "power mom" stage, completely fueled by the adrenaline accompanied by the newness and crazy awe of it all. Even though we were driving to the hospital every 3 hours and I slept probably a total of 8 hours the entire week, I was in total overdrive - contemplating every miracle, assessing each new wonder that he illustrated with his sweet smell, adorable sounds, tiny fingers and toes, and his big brown eyes; just trying to figure out how my heart had grown so much in such a short amount of time. The miracle of his birth was simply that - a miracle. And my mind and heart spent that first week just feeling the beauty of it all.

But...that quickly moved on to...

Stage 2: "The Low" - the second week.

After that first week, things got "back to normal." Parents were gone, Wally went back to work, and there we were...at home....all alone...for hours on end. There were some beautiful moments we shared but there was still an adjustment to be made and a difficult one for me, I'll admit. No longer was I the busy lit. teacher spending her days teaching and working with students. I was now a stay-at-home mom - quite a change. Anyway, for whatever reason, my crazy mind thinks of this week in numbers. So that's how I'll relay it here:

7 - the number of times I got to the end of the day and realized I hadn't brushed my teeth.

1,125 - the number of sucks my pump (who I now refer to as "The Devil") subjects my poor nips to during a 15 minute period. Speaking of my nips, I can't believe they haven't fallen off. "The Devil" is so freakin' painful!!!

5 - the number corresponding to the letter of the alphabet for which my bra size now reads. I almost died when I had to purchase a 34 E. E!!! Seriously!? That shouldn't even be allowed. I felt like a porn star - still do actually - maybe I should buy some red stilettos and change my name to Stormy Daniels or something... (Oh wait, I already own red stilletos...) Anyway...

13 - number of times I secretly cursed runners I saw when out for a drive, totally jealous they could be out when I was banned for a few more weeks at home.

3 - number of times I tried on my favorite pair of "pre-pregnancy" jeans hoping they would fit and then being overwhelmingly depressed that they didn't. (I don't' know why I did this; I always knew they wouldn't fit. I guess that's just part of being a masochist! :0)

42 - number of Alias episodes I watched while up in he middle of the night feeding.

22 - number of times I just stared at my lil' man having no idea why in the world he was crying and hoping for some kind of miracle- like maybe he'd actually speak to me and tell me what he wanted.

73 - the number of students I really missed seeing everyday discussing the literature I love.

3 - hours of sleep I'd get at night (on average)

17 - number of Ibuprofen I popped in an effort to unclog my blocked ducts, along with icing and massaging. Seriously more painful than the C-Section or anything else. It is excruciating! Can't even count the number of tears shed during the pumping trying to relieve the pain and set the milk free...

50+ - the number of times I'd felt completely unaccomplished at the end of the day. It would be nearing 5'o clock and I'd wonder what in the heck I had done all day...why, when I had a list of 3 or 4 things to do, did none of them get done? How was it possible that it took me all day to simply feed my little guy and change a couple of diapers?

I could go on, but I'll stop here...

Whew! Thank heavens the "Low" only lasted a week! It was nothing a visit from family and getting out of the house couldn't fix..

So, moving on to Stage 3 - "The Resolve" - Memorial Day weekend

My family came to visit that weekend with my brother who is back from college for the summer and I don't think they know what a life-saver it was. It was just enough to jolt me out of stage 2. We went to the movies, to dinner, for walks around the neighborhood. We talked and marveled over the lil' one. I spent hours laughing hysterically at You-Tube videos online with my brother. Wally taught me to ride a motorcycle for the first time (which is freakin' awesome btw!!!). I put makeup on, did my hair, braved the pump in the car between dinner and a movie. Basically, had a blast...and all with my lil' one along for the ride. It was such a great weekend and it helped move me into a new determination to get as much of my life back in order as I could - to set goals for myself, to get myself back in shape, to set a schedule that would allow for me to feel successful even at home, and to cherish the moments with my lil' one even if there are other things that need to be done. So, a huge thank you to my family for coming up and hanging out. It was just what I needed...

And so now I'm successfully into what I like to dub:

Stage 4 - "The Novel Mom's New Groove" ~ Learning how to readjust my life in a way that focuses on my lil' man but keeps me happy and makes me feel fulfilled as well. Setting a few goals everyday, ignoring the lazy/negative monster whispering in my ear, and getting things done, while at the same time giving my undivided and devoted attention to my new lil' man. Remembering that motherhood is difficult - no time off, no breaks - but the most beautiful profession of all. It's tough and some days are harder than others, but I'm beginning to make it work. So now, after a month, I am officially and happily settling into my new groove...